Learn From People Who Lived it

Surviving a Stalker + EMDR to Take Her Power Back

Surviving a Stalker + EMDR to Take Her Power Back with Candice 
In this episode, you'll hear:
How being sexually molested as a toddler manifested later in her life 
The power of EMDR and meditation for healing and managing emotions 
Why is it so hard to get a stalking conviction, and where to start
The difference between a crazy ex and a stalker: red flags to look out for
When Candice was 16, she started dating a boy who seemed nice enough at first but started to throw up some red flags after a while, like controlling behavior and abnormal jealous reactions. Immediately after Candice broke up with him, he began repeatedly calling her house. Her parents were concerned, but like her, they thought it would end eventually. It didn't take long to realize this was next level with graphic death threats, letters, and unannounced appearances at her house. Eventually, Candice filled her first restraining order and began a journey that would last 23 years. 
Candice tells us her childhood was "average." She had loving middle-class parents, but sadly, her babysitter sexually molested her from ages 2 to 3. She knew it had happened but could not remember, so she thought it wasn’t affecting her, but she was wrong. The repressed trauma developed into irrational fears, anxieties, and physical health issues. Mathew opens up about a similar situation he went through, and they talk about how repressed trauma manifests later in life and how they both learned there is light on the other side. Candice has found that daily meditation and EMDR therapy have helped her regain trust in her intuition and have been the most effective tools for her in managing anxiety. 
Candice has suffered from c-ptsd, depression, and anxiety, along with a host of other issues, as a result of the stalking and the aftermath of navigating the justice system. However, she tells us she has found hope in healing, growth, and self-discovery through years of EMDR and trauma-focused therapy. EMDR stands for eye movement desensitization and reprocessing and involves moving your eyes in a specific way while you process traumatic memories to help you heal from trauma. Many of us become “emotional stuffers," but eventually, you or the people around you will have to deal with it. Through EMDR, Candice gained a sense of self-awareness that living in fight or flight isn't normal, that her trauma was impacting her physical health, and that there are tools to help her deal with triggers in a healthier way. When every day is about surviving, no one, not even you, can get the best version of yourself. Her trauma caused her never to feel safe and never feel good enough, but through therapy, she has been able to dig deep, get to the root of those limiting beliefs, and challenge them. 
Unfortunately, internal demons are not the only ones she has had to battle over the years. People who stalk are after power and control. Her stalker is mentally ill and has progressively gotten worse over the years. He wasn't like that when she met him, but still, she has experienced a lot of victim blaming around why she dated him in the first place and what she did to him to cause this. She has also found that navigating the criminal justice system is extremely difficult, especially for stalking victims. Candice says meticulously collecting evidence and finally accepting help from the services available are what finally enabled her to get him convicted and sentenced to prison on aggravated stalking charges after ten years. Thankfully, her family and friends have been supportive over the years. However, balancing safety with taking her power back and putting herself first has been a struggle and an ongoing process.
Today, at 40, Candice is here to share her experience with the trauma she’s been through, her healing process, and the therapies and treatments that have worked for her to give hope to crime victims, victims of domestic violence, and anyone who goes through prolonged trauma. Finally, she feels safe, has taken her power back, and has stepped into her true self. 
“It is not an easy journey, but you don't stay in that place.”
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Follow the podcast: 
Listen on Apple Podcasts (link: https://apple.co/3s1YH7h) 
Listen on iHeart (link: https://ihr.fm/3MEY7FM) 
Listen on Spotify (Link: https://spoti.fi/3yMmQCE) 
 
Resources:
Stalking Victim Connect Resource Center
 
Connect with Mathew Blades: 
Twitter - twitter.com/MathewBlades
Instagram - instagram.com/MathewBladesmedia/ 
Facebook - facebook.com/mathewbladesmedia/ 
Website - learnfrompeoplewholivedit.com/
 
Additional Credits:
LFPWLI is managed by Sam Robertson

A PCP-Laced Brownie Changed Her Whole Life with Ruth Poniarski

A PCP-Laced Brownie Changed Her Whole Life with Ruth Poniarski
In this episode, Mathew and Ruth discuss the impact of unknowingly ingesting a hallucinogenic substance while already in a bad mental state, the long-term impacts, her recovery journey, and where she is today.
Ruth Poniarski is here to share her story of surviving a devastating mental illness that stemmed from a PCP-laced brownie. In 1977, Ruth was in her fourth year of a five-year architectural program and struggling with extremely low self-esteem. She was in a bad place and felt isolated when she met an older man. He invited her to an intimate college party and gave her a brownie laced with PCP (angel dust), leading to a series of life-threatening nervous breakdowns that caused her to leave college and seek out psychological help. This led to a multi-year uphill battle to find relief from anxiety, depression, mania, and severe insomnia. She never gave up, and eventually, she found the right psychologist for her, was prescribed the proper medication, and broke the cycle. She has not had a breakdown since 2010.
In this episode, you'll hear:
What led Ruth to the party where she was drugged?
Finding the proper treatment and how art helped Ruth recover
Why are hallucinogens positive for some people and negative for others?
Ruth's advice to anyone who is struggling today 
Get LFPWLI Merch here!
Follow the podcast: 
Listen on Apple Podcasts (link: https://apple.co/3s1YH7h) 
Listen on iHeart (link: https://ihr.fm/3MEY7FM) 
Listen on Spotify (Link: https://spoti.fi/3yMmQCE) 
Resources:
RuthPoniarski.com 
Journey of the Self: Memoir of an Artist by Ruth Poniarski
Connect with Mathew Blades: 
Twitter - twitter.com/MathewBlades
Instagram - instagram.com/MathewBladesmedia/ 
Facebook - facebook.com/mathewbladesmedia/ 
Website - learnfrompeoplewholivedit.com/
 
Additional Credits:
LFPWLI is managed by Sam Robertson

How to handle menopause with Dr. Mary Claire Haver

Today's episode is what the podcast people call a "Swap." We're pausing Learn from people who lived it this week to showcase one of the most downloaded episodes on the I NEEDED THAT PODCAST.
Today’s show features an interview with Dr. Mary Claire Haver. Dr. Mary Claire Haver is a wife, mom, physician, and entrepreneur who has devoted her adult life to women’s health. As a board-certified OBGYN in Houston, Dr. Haver has delivered thousands of babies, completed thousands of well-woman exams, counseled patients, taught residents, and done everything an academic professor and OBGYN could do. This episode is all about MENOPAUSE! This conversation must be had; both male and female listeners should understand this process. What happens when women go through menopause? Listen and learn during this fabulous episode!
 
Also in this episode:
Chris brings questions from his followers to Dr. Haver
Dr. Haver explains hormone replacement therapy
Dr. Haver expands on how the number on the scale does not fully represent health
Mathews asks Dr. Haver: How can men support the women going through menopause in our lives?
Mathew and Chris invite Dr. Haver to play a round of Name That Tune
Mathew and Chris invite Dr. Haver to play a round of: Would You Rather
 
Go to https://betterhelp.com/ineededthat for 10% off your first month of therapy with
BetterHelp and get matched with a therapist who will listen and help #sponsored
Try Neurogum over at https://tryneurogum.com/ineededthat #sponsored
Thanks for checking out our podcast, and please don’t forget to follow along on Instagram at www.instagram.com/ineededthat
Connect with Chris Powell, get links to his new app (coming soon) as well as products & speaking info at www.ChrisPowell.com
Connect with Mathew Blades, and bring him to speak at www.learnfrompeoplewholivedit.com
Bring movement to your company or school with Move 1 Million www.m1m.org
Connect with Dr. Mary Claire Haver here: https://www.instagram.com/drmaryclaire
 
Resources that Dr. Mary Claire mentioned found here:
https://www.menopause.org/
https://www.myalloy.com/
https://www.joinmidi.com/
https://maryclairewellness.com/

Part 3: Let Go and Laugh with Cortney McDermott

In this episode, you'll hear:
Why do many high performers have a hard time cutting loose?
We are not in control, but we can influence and adapt.
What Cort learned on Richard Branson's private island
What does it mean to “play” as an adult?
Mathew and Cort do an improv exercise. 
This is part three of three in a series with Cortney McDermott. Cort is a bestselling author, TEDx speaker, and mind-body expert with a Master of Science from the London School of Economics. She speaks four languages and currently splits her time between Italy and the US. There was a time when it looked like she had it all, but in reality, she was “miserably successful." She had a series of “cold shower moments” where she realized that, despite her accomplishments, she was unhappy. She looked around and saw that it didn't seem like anyone around her was feeling fulfilled. Finding her way out of that space and helping others do the same has become her calling and a new career.
It can be easy to get caught up in the seriousness of life. With bills, doctor visits, and laundry, we often feel like we don’t have time to relax or can’t afford to let things spin out of control. It may be hard for you to let go because you do care so much. There is nothing wrong with caring, and as Mathew always says, “Letting go is not the same as not caring.” However, in reality, we rarely control most things happening in our lives, like our heartbeat, the weather, or people's actions. It can be hard to break away from the identities you’ve created around yourself: control freak, type A, high achiever... But there is an easier way to navigate life, and you may find the results are even better when you go with the flow.
Cort tells us there was a time in her life when she was operating from a “push place," trying to force her will on life. Now, she has shifted to an intrinsically motivated place. By leaning into her internal instructions, she has found more peace and happiness in her life. Having time to listen to the universe can be seen as a luxury, but as Cort told us in part two of this series, she sees busyness as a lie, and by silencing the noise, space can be created. There is freedom in letting go of things we cannot control. What other people think of you is none of your business, and by eliminating that concern, we can begin to find more time to invest in ourselves.
As we become adults, “play” can feel inaccessible, but Cort's advice is to just try new things and do what feels good. We are on a ball of dirt spinning through space. Ride the wave and do what you need to do to find happiness. We are not in control, but we can influence and adapt.
In this episode, you'll hear:
Why do many high performers have a hard time cutting loose?
We are not in control, but we can influence and adapt.
What Cort learned on Richard Branson's private island
What does it mean to “play” as an adult?
Mathew and Cort do an improv exercise. 
Get LFPWLI Merch here!
Follow the podcast: 
Listen on Apple Podcasts (link: https://apple.co/3s1YH7h) 
Listen on iHeart (link: https://ihr.fm/3MEY7FM) 
Listen on Spotify (Link: https://spoti.fi/3yMmQCE) 
 
Resources:
Everything is Fine, but You Are Still Unhappy: Change Your Mindset with Cortney McDermott
Dave Chappelle: The Dreamer
The Holographic Universe by Michael Talbot
The teaching of the Dao
Richard Branson 
CortneyMcDermott.com 
 
Connect with the Guest
CortneyMcdermott.com
Cortney on Instagram 
Cortney on LinkedIn
 
Connect with Mathew Blades: 
Twitter - twitter.com/MathewBlades
Instagram - instagram.com/MathewBladesmedia/ 
Facebook - facebook.com/mathewbladesmedia/ 
Website - learnfrompeoplewholivedit.com/
 
Additional Credits:
LFPWLI is managed by Sam Robertson