Learn From People Who Lived it

Recovering from Your Childhood with Clay Jones

In this episode, you'll hear:
The long-term impacts of moving around a lot when you are a child
How to level up by moving through your fears and triggers
What helped Clay find forgiveness for his parents after their deaths?
Clay Jones is a father, social worker, and survivor who grew up as the youngest child in a dysfunctional, alcoholic, incestuous, and abusive family blended by marriage that frequently moved around the world. Mathew and Dr. Dave talk about the pros and cons of a transient childhood and how it impacted Clay in the long term. He tells us he felt like "the lost child" who didn't mourn leaving people and places he never felt connected to in the first place. Often left to his own devices, he says he became a "frozen boy" that grew into a "frozen man," not allowing himself to feel the good or the bad. He felt most safe with his older sister, but it wasn't until he was an adult that he learned his father had been sexually abusing her from ages 8 to 12. This caused her to be distant from the family and had a profoundly negative impact on Clay.
Domestic violence is often thought of as just involving male perpetrators and female survivors, but it's more complicated than that. Clay is now 20 years into his healing journey and is learning how to fully feel for the first time in a safe space. Even though the feeling of fear will never go away entirely, the ability to recognize it and move forward through it is its own sign of progress in recovery and reparenting. Clay has found ways to forgive both of his parents after their passing, and the trauma of his childhood now makes him a great social worker and loving father. The most important thing in his recovery has been taking a leap of faith, pushing past the shame, finding a community, connecting, and developing healthy relationships.
 Clay has written a memoir about his life called My Sister's Brother. A short version of his recovery story can be found here.
"Forgiveness is an inside job."
 In this episode, you'll hear:
The long-term impacts of moving around a lot when you are a child
How to level up by moving through your fears and triggers
What helped Clay find forgiveness for his parents after their deaths?
 
Follow the podcast: 
Listen on Apple Podcasts (link: https://apple.co/3s1YH7h) 
Listen on iHeart (link: https://ihr.fm/3MEY7FM) 
Listen on Spotify (Link: https://spoti.fi/3yMmQCE) 
 
Connect with the guest:
Dr. David Leicken, MD
 
Resources:
Adult Children of Alcoholics®& Dysfunctional Families
My Sister's Brother by Clay Jones
 
Connect with Mathew Blades: 
Twitter - twitter.com/MathewBlades
Instagram - instagram.com/MathewBladesmedia/ 
Facebook - facebook.com/mathewbladesmedia/ 
Website - learnfrompeoplewholivedit.com/
 
Guest Management Credits:
Sam Robertson

LFPWLI The Brain believes what you tell it with Jill

We've all learned things along the way. Most times, we put that knowledge to good use but there are other times we're we act like we don't know better.  We turn the other way, ignore our gut feelings and choose to make a decision that won't serve us or the world. So today Jill and me are going to hash that out a little. We will pass out two very useful tools and talk about:
Why American grief just hits different 
When Jill realized she sees the world differently 
Jill shares a story she's never shared publicly
Why we are terrified to have hard conversations 
Mathew tells the story of how his gambling addiction came to a close and Jill asks for more butter for her popcorn HAHAH
Quote of the podcast: "The brain believes what you tell it." 
Follow the podcast: 
Listen on Apple Podcasts (link: https://apple.co/3s1YH7h) 
Listen on iHeart (link: https://ihr.fm/3MEY7FM) 
Listen on Spotify (Link: https://spoti.fi/3yMmQCE) 
Connect with the guest:
Jill McMahon Counseling 
Connect with Mathew Blades: 
Twitter - twitter.com/MathewBlades
Instagram - instagram.com/MathewBladesmedia/ 
Facebook - facebook.com/mathewbladesmedia/ 
Website - learnfrompeoplewholivedit.com/
Additional Credits:
LFPWLI is managed by Sam Robertson
 
 
 

Where Does Resilience Come From? with Summer Silva

In this episode, you'll hear:
How trauma from childhood manifests in adult life
What is the "fighting spirit," and why do some people feel like they have it and others don’t?
The power of knowing what you need and using the tools you have developed
 
Mathew, Dr. Frank, and Summer Silva discuss what happens to children when they are exposed to inappropriate situations at a young age, how she can overcome and not become overwhelmed, and the importance of practicing patience when choosing a partner. Dr. Frank tells us that even when children grow up in less-than-ideal circumstances, having positive influences early on can give them an alternative to aspire to. This rang true for Summer. She knew she wanted to be the opposite of her own mother, and she felt a desire to live up to the example set for her by her grandfather. Today, Summer finds strength in focusing on the things she is grateful for, leaning on her community and loving partner, practicing transcendental meditation, and enjoying live music. She has learned it's not just about having the tools but knowing when to use them as well.
"Strength shows up in a lot of ways, but then there is also your natural instinctual fight or flight. I’m fighting."
 
Follow the podcast: 
Listen on Apple Podcasts (link: https://apple.co/3s1YH7h) 
Listen on iHeart (link: https://ihr.fm/3MEY7FM) 
Listen on Spotify (Link: https://spoti.fi/3yMmQCE) 
 
Resources:
Dr. Frank Bevacqua
Connect with Mathew Blades: 
Twitter - twitter.com/MathewBlades
Instagram - instagram.com/MathewBladesmedia/ 
Facebook - facebook.com/mathewbladesmedia/ 
Website - learnfrompeoplewholivedit.com/
Additional Credits:
LFPWLI is managed by Sam Robertson

LFPWLI, From a Life He Wanted to End to a Life He Fought for Daily with David Rees

In this episode, you'll hear: 
Why would someone be embarrassed to tell people they are suicidal?
What can you tell us about the mindset of someone who has been told they have a few weeks to live? 
What can friends and family do for someone struggling with mental or physical illness?
On March 10, 2017, David was diagnosed with a form of blood cancer called acute myeloid leukemia. His doctors told him if he didn't start treatments immediately, he would have three to four weeks to live.
Right before his diagnosis, David was working as a youth pastor, had just met the woman who would become his wife and was living his dream life. Shortly after their engagement, he began noticing symptoms and was misdiagnosed a handful of times, but eventually, the correct diagnosis came.
Over the next nine months, he had seven hospitalizations, spent over 100 nights in the hospital, endured four rounds of chemotherapy, received a stem cell infusion, and received 37 blood transfusions. Thankfully, on December 19, 2017, his cancer was in remission.
In the years before his diagnosis, David went through several seasons of depression and struggled with suicidal thoughts that he kept to himself for nearly three years. Eventually, he gained perspective on the long-term impacts of suicide and how it would negatively affect the people around him. He never knew how important the lessons he learned in middle school would be when he was diagnosed with cancer. He learned that leaning on people and relying on loved ones is one of the most important factors in making it through hard times. When he was younger, he felt like he could never tell anyone he was hurting, but when he faced cancer, he found he had to do it, and that was one major factor that helped him stay alive. David tells us there is great power in just being there for people who are struggling. Treating them like people and giving them time where they can forget the struggle and remember what it means to be alive.
There is a lot in life that can't be controlled, so David seized every opportunity to take control of what he could. Whether it was shaving his head when he began losing his hair from chemotherapy or realizing that gratitude is a mindset and cultivating a mindset is also a choice. Sometimes being faced with death is the thing that shakes people into developing a mindset that will help them go forward for the rest of their lives. This rang true for David. Cultivating a positive mindset, learning gratitude, and finding humor in the dark times will serve him regardless of what is happening. Cancer threatened to kill him, but it actually gave him this life he loves so much and a chance to make the most of it. 
“You have to be ready at all times, everyone, to hear those words… Are you prepared if you heard those words today? Are you okay with your life? Are you satisfied with your life? Do you feel like you made an impact?”
In this episode, you'll hear: 
Why would someone be embarrassed to tell people they are suicidal?
What can you tell us about the mindset of someone who has been told they have a few weeks to live? 
What can friends and family do for someone struggling with mental or physical illness?
Follow the podcast: 
Listen on Apple Podcasts (link: https://apple.co/3s1YH7h) 
Listen on iHeart (link: https://ihr.fm/3MEY7FM) 
Listen on Spotify (Link: https://spoti.fi/3yMmQCE) 
Connect with the guest:
Dr. Frank Bevacqua
Resources:
Battles & Blessings: My Experiences with Cancer by David Rees
Tears of a Tiger by Sharon M. Draper
Connect with Mathew Blades: 
Twitter - twitter.com/MathewBlades
Instagram - instagram.com/MathewBladesmedia/ 
Facebook - facebook.com/mathewbladesmedia/ 
Website - learnfrompeoplewholivedit.com/
Additional Credits:
LFPWLI is managed by Sam Robertson