Learn From People Who Lived it

Part 1: Why You Don’t Have What You Want with Cortney McDermott

Part 1: Why You Don’t Have What You Want with Cortney McDermott
This is part one of three in a series with Cortney McDermott. Cort is a bestselling author, TEDx speaker, and mind-body expert with a Master of Science from the London School of Economics. She speaks four languages and splits her time between Italy and the US. There was a time in her life when it looked like she had it all, but in reality, she was “miserably successful." She had a series of “cold shower moments” where she realized that, despite her accomplishments, she was unhappy. She looked around and saw that it didn't seem like anyone around her was feeling fulfilled either. Finding her way out of that space and helping others do the same has become her calling and a new career.
In this episode, Mathew and Cortney discuss why you feel like you don’t have what you want. While Cort was having her mindfulness meditation one morning in Italy, it hit her: "You're not there yet because there is always somewhere outside of you." Most of us are chasing something outside of ourselves that we think we want and tie our happiness and fulfillment to getting it. However, a common approach, this thinking, will only set you up for failure. The only place to find real fulfillment is inside of ourselves. You are not after the thing. You are after what you think the thing will make you feel.
“You have it all. You have it all. It's right there inside you, and it’s the last place you’ll look.”
To understand your real desires and see that you have the capacity to achieve them already, you have to find stillness and surrender to a chaotic world. Being able to trust yourself is essential to being able to let go of control. Become an observer of life, take a deep breath, and understand that it’s all already changing, whether you want it to or not. Your external environment is changing you, but at the same time, you have agency over your inner environment, which will shape the world around you and your perception of it. “If I am ok with myself, then everything will be ok around me.”
“You're not there yet because there is always somewhere outside you.”
In this episode, you'll hear:
Understanding what we really want is the first step to getting there.
Put effort into your current situation that you would put into moving on.
How to trust yourself more, relax, and go with the flow of life
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Follow the podcast: 
Listen on Apple Podcasts (link: https://apple.co/3s1YH7h) 
Listen on iHeart (link: https://ihr.fm/3MEY7FM) 
Listen on Spotify (Link: https://spoti.fi/3yMmQCE) 
 
Resources:
Everything is Fine, but You Are Still Unhappy: Change Your Mindset with Cortney McDermott
 
Connect with the Guest
CortneyMcdermott.com
Cortney on Instagram 
Cortney on LinkedIn
 
Connect with Mathew Blades: 
Twitter - twitter.com/MathewBlades
Instagram - instagram.com/MathewBladesmedia/ 
Facebook - facebook.com/mathewbladesmedia/ 
Website - learnfrompeoplewholivedit.com/
 
Additional Credits:
LFPWLI is managed by Sam Robertson

Combating Complacency with James Schlosser

Combating Complacency with James Schlosser
James Schlosser is joining us from Washington, DC, to discuss combating complacency. This topic is important to him because he grew up in poverty and lived in survival mode with a scarcity mindset. He had an issue with his eyes that made reading hard; therefore, school was exhausting and discouraging. Eventually, he went to college without direction on a Pell Grant. During his last semester of school, his father passed away, and that led him to drop out of school and start working in a woodshop with his brother-in-law. He wasn't making enough money at the woodshop, so he pursued a job in sales, and it turns out that was precisely where he was meant to be. Eventually, he had the money, the cars, the house, and the savings, but he couldn't shake the scarcity mindset. James nearly lost it all after becoming a top sales performer due to burnout and complacency. That is when the real soul-searching started for him.
Today, on the other side of that journey, he is a speaker helping people build core values, create a mission, and become intentional. He talks about how complacency leads to burnout, finding your "why," and how to bounce back after losing it all. He has found that focusing on what is essential brings them success in life and manifests success in work and finances.
James says complacency means being too comfortable, getting bored, and losing sight of long-term goals. Complacency can also plague your home and relationships, but by being present, mindful, and grounding ourselves in gratitude, we can be better partners, parents, and people. What if you knew you had only two weeks to live? What would become most important for you? Those things must be your first priority right after you wake up and before you go to bed. Busy lives lead us to make concessions, and eventually, our values and ourselves can get lost in the fog of life. Writing things down helps us stay accountable to ourselves and consistent in the marathon of life. Time blocking, creating boundaries, and prioritizing your values are how we combat complacency. Learning to put work away helps us be present where we are, whether at work, with family, or with friends.
“If you want your life to change, you have to change your life.”
In this episode, you'll hear:
What leads to complacency and a scarcity mindset?
How to tell if you are falling into a rut and how to get out of it.
Practical advice to combat complacency daily
Follow the podcast: 
Listen on Apple Podcasts (link: https://apple.co/3s1YH7h) 
Listen on iHeart (link: https://ihr.fm/3MEY7FM) 
Listen on Spotify (Link: https://spoti.fi/3yMmQCE) 
Get LFPWLI Merch here!
Resources:
JamesSchlosser.com
James Schlosser on LinkedIn
 
Connect with Mathew Blades: 
Twitter - twitter.com/MathewBlades
Instagram - instagram.com/MathewBladesmedia/ 
Facebook - facebook.com/mathewbladesmedia/ 
Website - learnfrompeoplewholivedit.com/
 
Additional Credits:
LFPWLI is managed by Sam Robertson

Youth Sports: What we have done wrong and how to fix it with Luis Fernando Llosa

Youth Sports: What we have done wrong and how to fix it with Luis Fernando Llosa
Luis Fernando Llosa is a Peruvian-Ukrainian-American writer, editor, speaker, investigative reporter, youth sports consultant, and full-time father-coach of his five kids. He started his journalism career at Fortune Magazine in 1995, then moved to Money Magazine in 1996. After three years there, he found he was always looking for the people in the stories and realized the best opportunities for the long-form writing he wanted to pursue were in sports. As a reporter for Sports Illustrated, he had his big breakthrough working on the Danny Almonte Little League baseball age scandal. That was his introduction to “youth sports gone awry." He went on to investigate supplement and steroid use in major league baseball, world champion boxing, the Olympics, and wrestling. When he began talking to the parents of children who had committed suicide while cycling off of steroids, Luis became passionate about the influence of coaches, parents, and professional players on youth athletes.
In this episode, Mathew and Luis discuss the good, bad, and dangerous aspects of youth sports. A child's relationship with sports will shape the rest of their lives. Luis tells us about the importance of being mindful of the sports environments we put children in, the red and green flags to look out for, and the importance of understanding your own sports biography. He also outlines new-school vs. old-school coaching techniques and ways to improve children's relationships with sports while improving their skills holistically and sustainably.
Each person has their own sports biography. Whether you were a star athlete, perpetually on the bench, or avoided organized events like the plague, each parent and coach brings their baggage to the game. Luis stresses that adults must make peace with their history before entering youth sports with their children to avoid projections of expectations, successes, or mistakes. Ego-driven coaching leads youth coaches to be in it to win it at all costs, but there is a new wave of coaches who are reflecting on their roles in kids' lives.
A Good coach utilizes creativity for themselves and their players. Luis says a coach must work on themselves and understand that failure to connect with an athlete does not indicate something is wrong with the kid, but rather that the coach needs to figure out new ways to do their job to get through to them. Coaches have to develop social-emotional intelligence to be able to coach kids with ADHD, social anxiety, hyperaggression, or other neurodivergent tendencies.
Before considering who the coach is, parents must decide when to enter organized sports and how to pursue age-appropriate development. It is counterintuitive, but putting kids in command-oriented organized sports too early can choke off their potential for the creativity that makes a great athlete. Specialization is limiting. If a child is athletic, they will develop better by playing multiple sports. The greats like Wayne Gretzky and Pelé learned on the streets. Luis tells us he has seen the harmful long-term effects of pushing young athletes and implores parents and coaches to hold off on hard training until an appropriate age. He says two ways to improve physical longevity for young athletes are signing them up for a complementary sport during at least one off-season a year and taking time to rest each day and week.
Children need freedom to learn, and amazing things can happen in chaos. However, ego-driven coaches and parents often hesitate to give up control regarding young athletes' training. A coach's role changes throughout different age ranges, but they need to bring general structure, balance, and safety. Luis tells us that free play is essential for ages 3 to 12, as it teaches flexibility, adaptability, and how to deal with other kids socially. These skills stay with kids throughout their entire lives and make them better adults, no matter what path they choose to pursue. Luis says organized sports shouldn't happen until age 11, and even then, it's not the typical league structure with uniforms and championships. For this age, coaching is about demonstrating movement, teaching game skills, creating dynamic practice structures, and providing technical advice. At any age, all coaches need to practice positivity. When pointing out one thing done wrong, make sure to point out three things done right and leave the other issues for the next day.
Luis ends the show with three things parents can be mindful of to help their young athletes:
Take a good look at the coach: Are they ego-driven? Do they coach through negativity or use anger as a tool? Are you afraid of them?
Analyze your own sports biography and mindset: Are you coaching your kids for the right reasons? Why did you put them in sports? Are you too hands-off or living vicariously?
Evaluate the social climate of the team: How do the kids treat each other? How do the parents treat each other and the other kids? Do other coaches or parents organize social activities and include everyone?
You can hear more from Luis through his work with Whole Child Sports or by checking out his books: Beyond Winning: Smart Parenting in a Toxic Sports Environment and Emotionally Resilient Tweens and Teens
In this episode, you'll hear:
What is wrong with youth sports today, and what can be done about it?
Free play and creativity are more beneficial than training and organized sports.
Institutional changes that could improve youth sports and coaching practices 
Follow the podcast: 
Listen on Apple Podcasts (link: https://apple.co/3s1YH7h) 
Listen on iHeart (link: https://ihr.fm/3MEY7FM) 
Listen on Spotify (Link: https://spoti.fi/3yMmQCE) 
 
Resources:
Whole Child Sports
LuisFernandoLlosa.com
Books
 
Connect with Mathew Blades: 
Twitter - twitter.com/MathewBlades
Instagram - instagram.com/MathewBladesmedia/ 
Facebook - facebook.com/mathewbladesmedia/ 
Website - learnfrompeoplewholivedit.com/
 
Additional Credits:
LFPWLI is managed by Sam Robertson

How to be Happy with Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar

How to be Happy with Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar
In this episode, you'll hear:
The elements of happiness and how to be happier
The role that rest plays in reducing stress and the importance of exercise as medicine
“Perfect” vs. “good enough” and why the ego is stopping us from being happy
The impact of the pandemic and social media Teenagers and Advice for when comparison makes you unhappy
Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar joins us from his home in New Jersey, where he recently launched the world's first fully accredited master’s degree program in happiness at Centenary University. Tal is an expert in the field, having received his BA in Philosophy and Psychology and Ph.D. in Organizational Behavior from Harvard. He tells us that, as a young man, his squash training informed his understanding of what it takes to become an expert and excel throughout his life. Tal's dedication to the sport led him to play squash professionally and, eventually, to win the Israeli National Squash Championships. After being injured during his time in the Israeli Army, he left professional sports but was soon recruited to play at the amateur level for Harvard. There, he won the U.S. intercollegiate squash championships and eventually returned to his alma mater to become a lecturer.
Tal first began thinking about the nature of happiness when he found that success in Squash was not bringing him happiness. Years later, the same realization came to him again when he found that success academically and socially in college was not causing him to feel happy either. This situation made Tal do the unthinkable… leave his computer science program and move to philosophy and psychology. He had to figure out, “Why aren't I happy? And how can I become happier?" This move kicked off what would become an incredible career and a lifelong dedication to studying the science of happiness. 
Dr. Tal has become an accomplished writer, with his books on positive psychology and leadership being translated into more than thirty languages and appearing on best-seller lists around the world. In addition to what Tal has achieved at Harvard, he has also taught happiness studies at Columbia University, consulted and lectured for companies like Microsoft, Intel, and Google, and given expert interviews on programs like NPR and Armchair Expert.
 Throughout his career, one thing Tal has found to be true is that success has nothing to do with happiness. Rather, happiness will lead to success. One way we can see this happening is with the “flow state." When you are in the "flow,” you are having “peak experience” and “peak performance." Flowing can make us feel happy, but before we can know if we are happy, Tal tells us it’s important to define happiness. 
Most people equate happiness with pleasure, but it is so much more than that. Pleasure is one element of happiness, but there are others as well: spiritual well-being (meaning and purpose), physical well-being (exercise, nutrition, and rest), intellectual well-being (curiosity and lifelong learning), relational well-being (time spent with others and impact on our community), and emotional well-being. Emotional well-being is the element that encompasses pleasure but also requires being able to deal with painful emotions. Dr. Tal says, “The first step to happiness is allowing in unhappiness.”.
Many of us are missing one or more of these elements. There are billions of people worldwide experiencing burnout, and Dr. Tal tells us this is not due to their being more stressed, but rather that there is not enough rest time to take care of all of these aspects. Oftentimes, people just feel like busyness is just a fact of life. Still, by evaluating what we really want in life and understanding that perfection is not realistic but good enough is good enough, you can change your expectations and, in turn, shift your perspective. There is a time for the highs and a time for the lows, but most of the time, we just need to be neutral. Tal calls embracing and accepting that most of life is neutral, with spikes in the highs and dips into the lows, emotional flexibility. He tells us to “surrender to the emotion." Embrace it.
The pandemic is another factor that impacted our happiness. However, one especially alarming trend that Tal has been giving voice to is rising depression rates among teenagers. These recent unprecedented increases are mainly attributed to their widespread use of smartphones. Tal notes that the technology itself isn't the issue, but the lack of boundaries around smartphones is. Technology is radically impacting the self-esteem of men and women, but, to a greater degree, teenage boys and, most radically, teenage girls. Fortunately, Tal has advice on how to do a reality check for our children (and ourselves) when we start comparing our bodies and lives to the ones we see online. Practicing gratitude daily develops an appreciative mindset that will serve us much more than the depreciative mindset so many of us have developed as a result of impossible comparisons. But keep in mind that it's not so much what you say to your children; it's about how you model behavior for them. 
This kind of practical and insightful perspective is what Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar’s Happiness Studies Academy is all about. The goal is to help individuals become happier themselves and empower them to help others do the same. With a year-long certificate program and a two-year, fully accredited master's degree program, Tal is giving future leaders in the field a way to learn about happiness from multiple perspectives. To learn more about these programs, visit happinessstudies.academy/cihs/ 
In this episode, you'll hear:
The elements of happiness and how to be happier
The role that rest plays in reducing stress and the importance of exercise as medicine
“Perfect” vs. “good enough” and why the ego is stopping us from being happy
The impact of the pandemic and social media Teenagers and Advice for when comparison makes you unhappy
Follow the podcast: 
Listen on Apple Podcasts (link: https://apple.co/3s1YH7h) 
Listen on iHeart (link: https://ihr.fm/3MEY7FM) 
Listen on Spotify (Link: https://spoti.fi/3yMmQCE) 
 
Resources:
TalBenShahar.com
Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar on Instagram
Jean Twenge 
Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi on Flow
Ellen Langer on Mindfulness
“The Good Enough Mother" by D. W. Winnicott 
 
Connect with Mathew Blades: 
Twitter - twitter.com/MathewBlades
Instagram - instagram.com/MathewBladesmedia/ 
Facebook - facebook.com/mathewbladesmedia/ 
Website - learnfrompeoplewholivedit.com/
 
Additional Credits:
LFPWLI is managed by Sam Robertson
 
In this episode, you'll hear:
The elements of happiness and how to be happier
The role that rest plays in reducing stress and the importance of exercise as medicine
“Perfect” vs. “good enough” and why the ego is stopping us from being happy
The impact of the pandemic and social media Teenagers and Advice for when comparison makes you unhappy